The Wolf and the Lion

The Knight of Flowers ambles past the gallery and throws a discreet glance at Renly Baratheon.  Very subtle.  It plants a seed in the mind of the uninitiated viewer, while also nodding its head at the diehard fans who know the true nature of the relationship between these two men.  What better way to convey the concealed intimacy between two illicit lovers? Oh, I know: a scene where two men shave each other's armpits and some tasteful off-screen slurping!

Let's rewind.  The episode picks up where the last one left off with the conclusion of the Hand's Tourney.  Last we saw, Ser Hugh of the Vale was choking on Ser Gregor's lance, as the result of an unsecured (or malfunctioning?) gorget.  Eddard is suspicious and relays his concerns to Barristan Selmy.  Barristan does not reciprocate his misgivings, but instead delivers some clunky exposition in the guise of reminiscence: 

Selmy: Remember that time we were fighting on opposite sides of a war and a raving mad monarch tortured and killed your father and brother? 

Eddard: Ah, yes, now I remember.  The war that reshaped the entire seven kingdoms and resulted in the death of my entire immediate family.  I had almost forgotten about that.  Thanks for bringing that up at this extraordinarily appropriate moment. 

ANYWAYS.  Next, we are treated to King Robert's spherical and protruding gut, while he berates poor Lancel for having a mother who is a "dumb whore with a fat ass."  Ah, poetry.  Robert wants to participate in the joust until Ned reminds him that no one will try to unseat the King.  All poor Robert wants is to fight, kick, and scream and stick-in-the-mud Ned Stark is there to hold him back.

We return to the joust where Ser Loras and Ser Gregor prepare to square off.  The super swarthy Knight of Flowers deposits a rose in Sansa's lap before valiantly sending the Mountain crashing into the tilt.  The seven-foot beast with super well-defined and menacing eyebrows is not happy and decides to go Vito Corleone on his horse before charging after Loras.  Sandor swoops in to save the day and Sansa lets loose the Standing O, having just lived through a fairy-tale.

Meanwhile, Catelyn Tully is leading her prisoner through the Mountains of the Moon.  I think that Dinklage's portrayal of Tyrion is too cocksure, too confident.  I never pictured Tyrion as the unflappable sort.  When the hood is removed from his head and it is revealed that Catelyn is taking him to the Eyrie to face judgement, he is calm and assured.  Cue battle scene between the Tully band and the mountain folk and one disturbingly long head squishing.

Back in Winterfell Maester Luwin teaches Bran that Greyjoys do not sow.  Curiously enough, the next scene involves some very explicit sowing on Theon's behalf.  We glimpse some tandem, co-ed full frontal nudity before learning about Tyrion's incredibly deft and agile tongue/fingers.  Yuck.  Theon is getting a lot of characterization early on, much of which was absent from the novel.  I'm surprised at how little attention Robb is receiving, but I suppose that future episodes will focus on his growing pains, as he eases into his role as the interim Lord of Winterfell. 

Within the Red Keep poor neglected Arya is forced to hunt cats to feed herself, but her nimble prey continuously evade capture.  Later however she feasts on the head of a dragon and we see the leftover and discarded bones discretely tucked into the corner of a dark basement.  Okay, not really.  The dragon skull was pretty amazing however.  The cost of creating that prop probably exceeded the annual budget of most television shows (and teachers' salaries). Elsewhere, Eddard and Varys discuss Bran's recovery and Varys declares Eddard to be one of the “few men of honor in the capital," including the Spider himself (*ahem*).  The Tears of Lys is identified as the poison and Ser Hugh of the Vale the poisoner.  You may note that Ser Hugh is neither a woman nor a eunuch, discarding Edward’s theory about poison and proving once and for all that poisoning is an equal opportunity profession. 

Later, Arya overhears two men discussing dastardly deeds and suspicious plots.  In the novel Illyrio is subtly identified as one of the co-conspirators through the description of his forked beard.  The Spider however is not placed at the scene until much later in the series.  On the television show, the identity of both men is immediately revealed.  I am noticing that the hidden details and backgrounds of certain characters are being brought to the forefront much quicker on the television show.  We have already received hints of Jamie's troubled past, Loras and Renly's romantic affair, Cersei's arranged marriage, and now Varys’ history across the narrow sea.  When Arya later returns to her father to recount her adventures of cat hunting, dragon excavation, and eavesdropping, he writes it off as childish whimsy.  Listen to your daughter Ned, both when she tells you she’s not going to be some lord’s wife and when she tries to warn you about seditious plots. 

The next scene is sure to rile the brassbound fans.  In the throne room, Littlefinger informs Varys that he knows about his clandestine visitor from across the sea.  It is certainly not inconceivable that Littlefinger is aware of Varys’ plotting, but this is something that has not been confirmed in the novels.  Spoiler alert?  What did you think of the addition of this new scene? 

At the next meeting of the small council Robert makes an unexpected appearance and demands the assassination of the surviving Targaryens, including a pregnant 13-year-old girl.  We also learn for the first time that Ser Jorah is working for the king and spying on Daenerys and her Dothraki husband.  Ned objects to Robert’s plan, while Varys, Pycelle, Renly, and Littlefinger all side with the king.  Cowed by the shadow of an unborn child, Robert lashes out at Ned, who in turn resigns his office as Hand of the King.  Drama.

I have a gift for you.  It was a prosthetic breast.  You can all breathe a sigh of relief and take comfort in the fact that you did not have to witness a grown woman breastfeeding a nine-year-old boy.  Robert Arryn has been renamed “Robin”, presumably saving the audience the trouble of having to juggle a third Robert in their head (Robb Stark, Robert Baratheon).  Lysa is terrifying.  Does anyone else remember her being this crazy?  She becomes more undone later on in the series, but at this point in the novel I think she should be a smidge more composed.  Before she even opened her mouth, her crazy eyes had penetrated my soul.  Lysa is not happy with Catelyn having brought a Lannister within her walls.  This is quickly remedied when Mord drags Tyrion into one of the sky cells and leaves him to enjoy the phenomenal view. 

Loras and Renly discuss the latter’s prospect of seizing the Iron Throne, while the viewer is bombarded by a rash of gay stereotypes.  Off screen we hear someone sucking Jell-O through a straw while Renly’s eyes roll back into his head and his breathing becomes strained.  We also hear the name Stannis Baratheon for the first time, who is described as having the personality of a lobster.  The scene was offensive to both homosexuals and shellfish.  Not a good day to be a gay lobster.  Sorry Sebastian.

Is it just me or does Mark Addy deliver all of his lines in the exact same way?  He began the series strong, but now all of his scenes feel very similar.  The scene between Robert and Cersei was very interesting.  Again, keeping with the accelerated characterization, Cersei is humanized, as we learn about her feelings regarding her arranged marriage.  The highlight of the scene however was the joke that their marriage was the one thing holding the realm together.  It was such an odd sitcom moment and the laughter that followed was very strained.  I love tone-breaking cringe-worthy moments in television shows. 

The episode ends with a showdown between the wolves and the lions outside one of Littlefinger’s brothels.  Jamie confronts Ned about Tyrion’s abduction and ruthlessly begins slaying the northmen.  Watching Jamie’s dagger go through Jory’s eye and out the back of his head was one of the hardest scenes to watch so far and not only because of the graphic detail.  The duel between Jamie and Ned is cut short when one of the Lannister men cowardly stabs Ned in the back of the leg.  Ned falls to his knees and surveys the carnage.  Cut to black.

Question of the week:  what was the most explicit and difficult scene to watch in this week’s episode?

(1) Horse decapitation

(2) Greyjoy’s dingle-dangle

(3) Armpit shaving

(4) Audible oral sex

(5) Lysa breastfeeding

(6) Jory being stabbed in the eye

(7) Repeated head to shield contact